Desert wanderer walking through the desert, eyes swollen, sun burnt, skin peeling, oozing neon rainbow puss. His body’s lanky sparsely covered in tattered, self-soiled clothing. Goggles with cracking glass, grombling to himself as he walks:

“Bastard! Shit blood, numb nuts, you anal probing swine fuckin, inbred abominable son on a dick in my ass… where in gods hell did I put you?!? Drop me off on this god forsaken barren wasteland, dope me up for a good time and run off with my shit?!? I’ll make a whores mouth outta you!”

He reaches into a sachel pocket with holes torn in its bottom and finds an old, worn picture of Penelope Cruz cradling a baby alligator. “I’ll get back to you my sweet.” He croaks as as he kisses her which cracked bleeding lips. Her face looks estranged as he parts away, squints his eyes in a furry and shoves her back down in his pocket. “You ungrateful swine!” He grumbles, hauling his legs on.

Something shiny catches his eye in the distance. He grabs his binoculars around his neck and looks through them for closer inspection though they haven’t had lenses in them since the explosion. “Beloved!” He cries as he paces into a retardedly drunken sprint, attempting with all his will to take the most direct path forward though his flailing limbs seemed to tack like a sailboats crossing to its destination. it is clear this sad life form had been severely malnourished by the process of evolution and only by error of destiny had slipped through the hands of natural selection.

“Oh fuck off!” He yells to the storyteller though nobody is going here to hear him.

Metallic fragments of samples collected across the multiverse are scattered upon the ground, first sparse- a glistening feather, a reptilian scale- then in dense population- strange creatures, unexpressed emotions, and geometrical shapes of seemingly impossible composition. Half buried in the sand in the center of it all, a wildly mangled, unquestionably totaled space ship

The man steps inside, ducking his head under a bout of live, frantic wires arguing in electricity.

He slides into the main room, taking advantage of the sloped floor gifted by the angle of the ship’s less than graceful landing. The surrounding walls are totally Fucked up, but the helm in the center console is entirely unscathed.

In the center of the console is a dark sphere, a hole which seems to go into infinity. He whistles lightly, casting a soft sound into iT. Led panels begin to glow on all the walls, Many half broken dangling by their wires and blinking in strobe as if intending to set off an epileptic.

He reaches his finger into the center of the sphere, and the ether comes out to meet him in a mirror of his own. They touch, and all the lights turn on.The led panels re-install themselves upon the walls and fuse together, the pixels between their lights becoming so small, they multiply and entirely diminish giving the panes the same feeling of reality. The craft unfolds from the center of iTself, and that greedy bastard.... you get your filthy hands off me you swine trodden, grime goblin son of a.-------Ahhhhh a-sl;saaaaggghhhbleeehmmaaaaaa!!!!!

"I got the reigns now Bitch... JJ will be having quite a time by now... Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I know we've experienced some turbulence, but that's all in the past now. I assure you, it'll be nothin but smoothe sailing from here."


"Alright, alright I'm cumin..."


"Oh Jaaaaayyyyy!!!!"