Story Pov
Today, my morning was shot. I'd been unable to move in a useless heap on the ground for hours. I finally get up and pack my bag longing to get the hell out of camp and shake up the energy. As I'm gathering my things, I decide to head to the Southeast today. There is a mountain range not far from here I've yet to explore.
After a few hours of trekking. I rise to the top of a ridge where there's a break between two mountains and get my first glimpse to the otherside of the range.
I see in the distance something beyond the scale of enormity I have ever witnessed upon a world. A moon has crashed into the planet. Half of it lays beneath the surface while the other half rises from Planet X, an enormous white sphere with goliath boulders heaved across the tundra which must've discarded upon impact.
As I walk up to the moon, the world is still, void of sound as if X were creating a vaccuum for me to witness the moon entirely apart from it. The space hums with an electric energy, it rings of blue, like saffire crystals of ice coating the molecules in the air. It feels like walking up to a sacred temple, draped in holiness while simultaneously embodying an ominous quality, like in this space the world committed genocide.
The blue crystaline presence in the air enhances as if an electric current is passing through them, the crystals begin to vibrate, making a soft hum. Like a conductor's hand cuing an instrumental section, something triggers inside me.
Grief fills my body. My eyes are wet. "What happened here?" I say out loud. My voice is cracking, overwhelmed by an emotion I don't know how to feel. There's a churning inside my stomach, like a towel being rung out, and its water releases an outpouring of memory. So many scenes throughtout my life which caused me pain, in drastic or subtle ways, rise to the surface.
____ساد؛اليجاMemoriesس؛لس سا؛_____
- I remember my oldest friend Zae. We grew up playing in imaginary kingdoms together until one year we got together and we couldn't go there anymore... what happened? It wasn't okay imagine another world. We'd come of age. Culture had caught us.
- I remember being 16, flying too fast, reckless and wild. I crashed a ship with all my friends in it. I was unhurt. The others weren't. I remember looking back and hearing my brother's exasperated breathing as his collapsed lungs filled with fluid. I got out of the driver's seat and opened the back door. The roof had collapsed right over him. His breathing was getting more strenuous. I pulled him out and laid him on the grass. Then I went inside for the girl. She was covered in blood. The Ship was smoking. I thought it'd explode. I pulled her out and waited for the ambulance. They both died that night.
- I remember recognizing the mental illness that haunted my family was mine too. I remember not being able to control my mind, feeling it spiraling away from me, hearing a boy's voice screaming inside me like he was being struck by lightning.
- I remember meeting a homeless man with two broken arms and a broken leg. He told me he'd been beaten horribly and was crying for help. Two cops arrived, grabbed him and put him on a public bus. Move the problem elsewhere. I remember feeling helpless to help him, knowing what they were doing was wrong, but not knowing how to make it right. I hopped on the bus just before it took off, saying, "I'm sorry... I love you."
- I remember speaking to a camera on top of a roof, desperately wanting someone to hear me, to understand my experience, but never being able to speak in a way which could ever make sense to another. I remember feeling so utterly alone.
- I remember being in a relationship with someone I love. We're engaged, but things haven't been going well. She tells me she's fallen in love with someone else and I'm no longer the one. I remember driving home overcome by the sadness, tears streaming down my eyes as I drove through the desert. I remember my heart asking me to break and I wouldn't allow it, telling myself I'd save it for another.
- I remember a long dark winter where I'd lost myself, my passions, my love and all sense of direction. I remember feeling god lied to me and abandoned by the force of guidance.
- I remember feeling stuck, so very stuck in a city with so many people but feeling alone, lost, trapped, like I'd failed myself so many times no matter how hard I tried to do right. I started having a panic attack, rocking back and forth, pressing my hands into my eyes to stop the tears with such intensity I bruised all the surrounding tissue. I gave myself two black eyes just before I had to go to work as a server with a smile on my face.
____سللسيفجلRememberingسا؛يجسف___
All these memories, I recall so clearly as if they're happening to me in this very moment. They're a mosaic held together in a balance of perfect unity. I feel my mind begin to panic and then go still, because though I know each scene as a part of my journey, they've happened at a different time, in an ancient society, somewhere I've never known, but know so clearly. The sensation is strange, but calming. I feel soothed like I'm walking thirsty through a forest and am relieved to hear water just ahead, around the bend.
I walk closer to the moon and feel myself lightening. The field of gravity is changing. Some rocks around me appear to be levitating, floating, rising as I come closer to the giant. The sound of the blue is a symphony now pouring through the world, unifying all these scenes of sadness into a mosaic. The sound cradles them all in a balance of perfect unity, a sacred arrangement which gives them meaning my soul may rest inside.
It's like finally being able to express something that so long has been trapped in me. Though the words may not be happy, expressing the pain makes me feel okay.
I'm an arms length away from the moon, and my body is flooded in the feeling of being lifted by a force far greater than anything I've ever known, far more beautiful, intricate, and delicate than anything I could even conceive. My feet leave the ground. I'm levitating now, with eyes watering in sweet serene, and like a moth is called to a flame, my fingertips reach out to touch the surface of the moon, and all the world falls away.